There is a focused desire to share the future with others in the channel 52-9. So that’s what they are waiting for, something that they love to do that when they do it not only do they enjoy doing it, others also love the fact that they did what they did, for whatever the reason. You see it even clearer when you look at the polarity gate of the 52, which is gate 58, the Joyous. And then you look at the polarity of gate 9 and you find gate 16, Enthusiasm. Those are the essential fuel and expression of what the 52-9 wants to build for the future, something that everybody likes and everybody enjoys to share with them because it is perceived as the ‘common good’. But, instead, because it does not operate in response, frustration and depression is what you get to find in those who carry this life force.
Don’t be afraid of telling people that you are depressed when you feel depressed. We can all be depressed in certain moments in life. I mean, in the past being depressed was a psychological disease that was exceptional and very rare to find. Today if you haven’t been depressed you are not sophisticated enough for the modern world. You are kind of not interesting enough to be talked to. Depressed people are deep, huh? You see, this is the format of the Understanding circuit, and its function is to take the pressure away from blind moral believes, and from the shame and guilt that we carry based on second hand values. Understanding is here to demystify false myths that we carry about our own nature, and there are so many false myths about depression that make us assume that it is something bad.
It is the same with anger and bitterness, they are not bad. In fact, they are a natural reaction of our intelligence as we recognize the powerful conditionings that we live under. We were all born so incredibly sensitive in such a shitty world. Who would not get bitter? Who would not get angry? You’ve got to be insensitive like a stone not to get angry, not to feel anything, because if you allow yourself to feel you do get depressed. You do feel impotent and all kinds of other things that are not so nice. It is all part of life, and it is what it is. You’ve got to deal with its darkness in some way that is productive for us. So, to understand what depression reveals about one’s own correctness is fundamentally healthy. It is a natural and healthy mechanism of the body. When you drive the body too much against its nature determination it loses its inherent spirit.
Look at horses that are forced to work. Do they look jolly to you? Their spirit is broken. That’s what depression is, it is a broken spirit, though the body is still alive. You give it time, and it will naturally recover, and start all over again from zero when it is ready, if it knows how. Depression is just the way in which the body is asking the personality: “Are you sure you understood what really matters in life? Are you sure you are asking yourself the right questions?”
You see, depression is what happens when you live your whole life focused on others and it doesn’t get you anywhere with yourself. Because you never had the time and the urge to ask yourself: “Who am I for myself?” There is no natural training in humanity for such thing. Frustration and depression with not being able to see anything in the future that one has the desire to share with others. This is how the collective traps all the slaves working hard and trying to establish some security for when they get old. How frustrated the lives that they live. You don’t want to do that.
If you don’t know you are a natural builder, then you don’t know that your ability to build comes out of your sacral ability to respond. You don’t know that your determination comes out of your body when you don’t think. It’s in how your body responds to what naturally turns you on. But you never thought that one can live doing just what you like. So, you are depressed and mentally searching for the right choice, trying to remember which choice can take you into a future of joy and enthusiasm.
But you can never find it in the mind, because when you try to you find that the more you think the more you just worry. The more you think the more you depress yourself. That’s why is so important to go through a de-conditioning process that has the power to break all your mental habits. The not-self mind is entirely made of habits, bad habits. It’s not even really a mind yet, but rather it is a mentality, which is not the same. A mentality carries a certain attitude, and all attitudes are not-self. Surrender is not an attitude, but it is a way to simply be. The not-self attitude is one of more or less subtle resistance.